The Gift of Boundaries: How to Protect Your Peace During the Holidays

The holidays can be magical—and they can be a lot. Too many expectations. Too many invitations. Too many moments where we smile on the outside while silently bracing for impact.

For many of us, this season brings pressure to show up, say yes, and hold it all together—sometimes at the expense of our own peace.

That’s where boundaries come in.

Not as harsh lines or dramatic ultimatums, but as quiet clarity. As a way to stay rooted in what matters—to you—without disconnecting from the people you love.

"Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously." - Brené Brown

Defining your boundaries helps you move through the holidays with more intention and less resentment. They are a gift you give yourself—and, ultimately, everyone around you.

In this guide, we’ll explore what boundaries really are, why they matter (especially during the holidays), and how to set them with compassion, confidence, and care.

What Are Boundaries, Really?

A boundary is not a wall or a demand. It’s a clear expression of what you’re available for—and what you’re not.

In therapy, I often describe a boundary as a bridge between connection and self-respect. It allows you to stay in relationship without abandoning yourself.

If you've ever said yes when you meant no, or spent time preparing for an event you were dreading—you've experienced a moment where your boundary could have spoken first.

"Boundaries are a form of self-care: you’re showing up for yourself enough to protect your peace." - Jefferson Fisher

Boundaries don’t push people away. They protect what makes you you.

"Healthy boundaries are not walls. They are gates and fences that allow you to enjoy the beauty of your own garden." - Lydia Hall

Why Boundaries Are So Hard During the Holidays

The holiday season brings together:

• Old family dynamics

• Cultural or religious expectations

• Grief, loneliness, or comparison

• Guilt around saying no

• Perfectionism (especially in gift-giving, hosting, or parenting)

  
  

Boundaries are hard because they invite discomfort. You may worry about disappointing someone, being seen as difficult, or triggering conflict.

But here’s the truth: Avoiding discomfort now often leads to resentment later.

Boundaries are not rejection, they're information. They're how we say:

“I want to stay in relationship with you, and I need to do it in a way that’s sustainable for me.”

5 Therapist-Backed Holiday Boundaries You’re Allowed to Set

Here are five practical boundaries that are healthy, kind, and often necessary this time of year:

1. “We’re keeping it simple this year.”

You’re allowed to scale back. Fewer events. Fewer gifts. Less chaos.

Try saying:

“We’re focusing on quiet time at home this year.” “We’ve decided not to travel this time; we’ll plan something after the holidays.” “We’re doing one holiday event per weekend to protect our family time.”

⭐️ This boundary supports your nervous system—and your values.

2. “We’re not discussing that.”

Just because you’re gathered around a table doesn’t mean every topic is welcome.

Try saying:

“I’m not comfortable talking about that today.” “Let’s save that conversation for another time.” “I’d love to talk about something lighter.”

"Connection is where you roll up your sleeves and approach the conversation for what it is—instead of what you want it to be.” - Jefferson Fisher

⭐️ You can protect peace without performing politeness.

3. “We’re honoring our kids’ needs first.”

Whether it’s protecting nap schedules, limiting sugar, or leaving early, you are not being rigid—you are being responsible.

Try saying:

“We’ll be heading out early to stick to our child’s routine.” “We’re keeping gifts minimal this year, it helps our kids stay grounded.” “They may not hug everyone today, and that’s okay with us.”

⭐️ You’re the expert on your child. Don’t outsource that for the sake of tradition.

4. “I need to check my calendar and get back to you.”

This is your pause button. You don’t need to commit on the spot—especially if you’re feeling pressured.

Try saying:

“Let me think about that and get back to you tomorrow.” “I want to give you a clear yes or no, can I circle back later?”

 “Underrated life skill: pausing to decide if it's worth your energy.” - Cory Allen

⭐️ Clarity doesn’t have to be instant. It just has to be honest.

5. “This is enough.”

You don’t need to prove your worth through over-giving, over-hosting, or overextending. Your presence matters more than your perfection.

Try saying:

“We’ve chosen to simplify this year so we can enjoy it more.” “This is what we’re able to give, and we’re giving it with love.”

⭐️ You are not behind. You are not failing. You are allowed to scale back. 

What If Setting a Boundary Feels Selfish?

Let’s be honest—setting a boundary can feel uncomfortable. Maybe even selfish.

You want to be kind. Accommodating. Easy to be around. And somewhere along the way, many of us were taught that caring for others meant putting ourselves last.

You might worry you’re letting someone down. But here’s the reminder:

You are just as important as everyone else in the room.

Boundaries aren’t about creating distance from others. They’re about having the self-awareness to know how you can stay in relationship without abandoning yourself.

And yes, other adults might feel disappointed when you set a boundary—but they can handle that. What’s more important is that you don’t disappoint yourself in the process.

Setting a boundary isn’t selfish, it’s sustainable. It protects your energy, your values, and your ability to show up with care, not resentment.

“You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep others warm.” – Unknown

⭐️ Boundaries aren’t rejection. They’re an act of honesty, love, and emotional maturity.

Final Thoughts

This season, give yourself permission to:

• Pause before committing

• Protect your peace without over-explaining

• Say “this is enough” and mean it

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The gift of boundaries is not just about what you say no to—it’s about what you say yes to:

• Yes to clarity

• Yes to connection

• Yes to your capacity

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Because when your nervous system is grounded, your relationships become more spacious and playful—and that is a gift to everyone involved.

Want Support Navigating Boundaries or Holiday Stress?

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, stretched thin, or unsure how to hold your boundaries without guilt—you’re not alone. The holidays have a way of bringing up old patterns, big emotions, and pressure to be everything to everyone.

Therapy can help you untangle what’s yours to carry, what’s not, and how to move through the season in a way that feels more grounded, intentional, and true to you.

If you're navigating tricky family dynamics, you might also appreciate this companion post: A Guide to Staying Calm and Connected During Family Gatherings

This is something I work on with many of my clients—especially during the holidays—and I’d be honored to support you, too.

You can reach out here to learn more or book a session.

Warmly,

Dr. Kristen Aycock